Rungs of the Ladder

*audio feed opens.*

Only managed a few hours of flight-time last week. Each sortee was profitable, so I am pleased with that. Still need more flight-time however, especially in combat situations. Still tending to succumb to confusion occasionally and send conflicting messages through the pod interface. Only experience is going to help me with this, so I need to keep seeking out opportunities.

Even more so, as I'm eager to prove myself to be elegible for promotion. I've familiarised myself with the basics of leadership, the books and materials kindly provided by Seppu. However, keeping a cool head isn't something you can hardcode into a skillbook and upload to your neural-net. I've really gotta work at this.

*pauses a moment*

Again, the prospect of promotion has evoked new thoughts and dare I say feelings that seem strange and alien to me. It's certainly vastly different to my last forray onto the promotional ladder, when Tomas gave me my first post at Claude's company. Promotion was more or less inevitable, I mean, I was the CEO's wife for a start! Still, I had to put in a few hours work here and there with various managers to advance, although most of that kind of work was spent on my back. And I'm sure Claude knew all about those incidents and was complicit with it all; his way of rewarding his lackeys, the bastard.
I sincerely hope it won't be neccessary in PRETA; I don't feel entirely comfortable doing that sort of thing anymore...

*clears her throat*

At the time, the strategy worked so I have no regrets. Within the space of a couple of years, I was a COO and a minor shareholder in the company. I think it was then I had my first pang of desire to become a capsuleer. There was no way the RMS were going to take me back in as a recruit, so the only other way to get in was through a hefty cash fee and a lot of bribery.

*laughs lightly*

Getting myself in the CEO's seat and making myself sole shareholder was probably the most challenging scheme I've ever undertaken. I couldn't have done it without Tomas's help.
As Claude's consigliere it was tricky trying to drive a wedge between them. But I found it eventually - the pair used to argue lots about whether to take the corp off-planet and into space - Claude hated the idea, Tomas thought it the way forward. I promised Tomas to deliver his wish if I were CEO and it wasn't long before Claude had his unfortunate shuttle accident. Tomas quickly bundled the paperwork through the courts and within a couple of weeks everything was in position...

So, there I was - CEO and sole shareholder of a sprawling planetside corp. One hundred and fifty thousand employees suddenly looking up to me, a girl born into poverty on Pator. Before I could become the latest "rags to riches" success story of the Federation, I had the business dissolved and left Tomas dead on my office floor.

*a lighter clicks*

I've never liked being responsible for anybody. I find it much easier to remove people completely than to have to be responsible for them. Yet promotion within PRETA will demand that I take up responsibility. When I think about my current colleagues it feels completely different to the apathy and disregard I had for those at DKAT - it's strange, I don't think of myself first - I end up doing crazy things like keeping twenty million ISK-worth of Assault Frigate in a fight even as parts of its structure go flying past the camera drone. Is this that "faith" that Commander Yishal and some of the more religious members believe in?

*a long exhale*

Once again, I ask myself more questions than I answer. Maybe I don't have the answers... maybe it's time to drop the guard a little and confide in someone I can trust...
Gah, maybe this, maybe that... I used to be so sure of myself!

*a loud clatter, as if the dictaphone has been thrown or dropped. The feed ends*