Embracing Addiction

*Video feed begins.
Celia sits calmly behind her desk, which appears to have been tidied since her last video feed. The only items occupying the desk are an ashtray, box of cigarettes and a half-full brandy glass. Celia herself also looks in far better condition; her sleek bob is well groomed, her make-up applied with great care. Her eyes appear to have lost their dull, vacant sheen and now glimmer with a hint of life*

Addiction is such a strange thing... despite the cravings, something inside me tries to fight them off. I tried to give up smoking last week - what a waste of time and effort that was!

*rolls her eyes and lights a cigarette from her packet before continuing*

Look at the state of my fucking nails...

*raises the back of her hand towards the camera drone, showing her black-varnished fingernails looking roughly bitten short*

But it put things in perspective for me; why do I... and indeed most people from what I've seen... have this instinctive aversion to addiction? It causes more grief and bother than the addicition itself!

*leans back in her seat with a smug grin*

So, I have decided to stop worrying so much about my cravings for nicotine, alcohol and emotion... why should I? This body is replaceable, after all. No, I should just be myself... and I am an addict. Something I will now embrace rather than hide from.

*takes a sip of her drink and continues in her mild, relaxed tone*

Vincent still has my dictaphone. I haven't seen much of him lately, I should make an effort to get in touch. I hope he's alright, I find myself caring a lot for the guy.

*takes a draw of her cigarette, exhaling the smoke slowly*

My feelings towards him seem more defined lately, not as confusing and mixed up as they were a few weeks ago. I think being away from him has helped with that; as I begin to accept the concept of belonging to a family, Vince's role in it looks clearer. The protective instinct and affection I have for him must be akin to what siblings must feel...

*waves her cigarette back and to as she ponders her thoughts*

...or so I've heard. Still, it'll be interesting to learn what sense, if any, he managed to make from my recordings. I'm looking forward to good analytical discussion.

*Celia's eyes widen and glitter softly in the dim orange lights of her apartment*

Ohh... on the subject of looking forward to things, I can hardly wait to get back to exercising with my new sparring partner. Working out with Milo is such a good thing for me... I can get an adrenelin fix and a social fix at the same time and... he says he enjoys it too.

*Blinks, looking unsure of herself but still smiling*

Specifically, he said he liked my company, which took me back at first - I mean, people don't usually like me unless I want something from them... then, of course, I make myself likable, seduce them and rob them blind whilst they're sleeping!

*cackles at first, but it rapidly disapates to a frown. Celia looks momentarily uneasy with herself*

There's that weird feeling again, the one I can't place... knotted stomach, uncomfortable in my own skin, flash of aggresssion...

*crosses her arms across her chest, hands clasping her shoulders. She bites her lip and remains quiet for a few moments before looking back to the camera*

I just hope Milo doesn't misread me. He knows I've done some morally questionable things in my past. But he also knows I haven't had it easy, maybe he understands that the ends justified the means...

*shakes her head with a faint smile, then takes another drink*

Ahh, I'm worrying again! Thinking too much instead of feeling.

Heh, as we were leaving the gym last night, I suggested we spend more time in between sessions socialising together and hinted that my dinner dress hasn't been used in a while...

*looks away from the camera, a distinctly girlish giggle escaping her*

Well, he certainly didn't object! It all feels so exciting and new to me... think I need this drink to steady my nerves!

*Celia raises her near-empty glass to the camera drone, flashing her dark smile*

Here's to addiction...

*She downs the remainder of her drink and stretches an arm out to the camera, shutting it off.
Video feed ends.*